Roughing It

by Mark Twain

ROUGHING IT

by Mark Twain

1880

TO
CALVIN H. HIGBIE,
Of California,
an Honest Man, a Genial Comrade, and a Steadfast Friend.
THIS BOOK IS INSCRIBED
By the Author,
In Memory of the Curious Time
When We Two
WERE MILLIONAIRES FOR TEN DAYS.

Contents

• Prefatory

• Chapter I

My Brother appointed Secretary of Nevada—I Envy His Prospective Adventures—Am Appointed Private Secretary Under Him—My Contentment Complete—Packed in One Hour—Dreams and Visions—On the Missouri River—A Bully Boat

• Chapter II

Arrive at St. Joseph—Only Twenty-five Pounds Baggage Allowed—Farewell to Kid Gloves and Dress Coats—Armed to the Teeth—The "Allen"—A Cheerful Weapon—Persuaded to Buy a Mule—Schedule of Luxuries—We Leave the "States"—"Our Coach"—Mails for the Indians—Between a Wink and an Earthquake—A Modern Sphynx and How She Entertained Us—A Sociable Heifer

• Chapter III

"The Thoroughbrace is Broke"—Mails Delivered Properly—Sleeping Under Difficulties—A Jackass Rabbit Meditating, and on Business—A Modern Gulliver—Sage-brush—Overcoats as an Article of Diet—Sad Fate of a Camel—Warning to Experimenters

• Chapter IV

Making Our Bed—Assaults by the Unabridged—At a Station—Our Driver a Great and Shining Dignitary—Strange Place for a Frontyard—Accommodations—Double Portraits—An Heirloom—Our Worthy Landlord—"Fixings and Things"—An Exile—Slumgullion—A Well Furnished Table—The Landlord Astonished—Table Etiquette—Wild Mexican Mules—Stage-coaching and Railroading

• Chapter V

New Acquaintances—The Cayote—A Dog's Experiences—A Disgusted Dog—The Relatives of the Cayote—Meals Taken Away from Home

• Chapter VI

The Division Superintendent—The Conductor—The Driver—One Hundred and Fifty Miles' Drive Without Sleep—Teaching a Subordinate—Our Old Friend Jack and a Pilgrim—Ben Holliday Compared to Moses

• Chapter VII

Overland City—Crossing the Platte—Bemis's Buffalo Hunt—Assault by a Buffalo—Bemis's Horse Goes Crazy—An Impromptu Circus—A New Departure—Bemis Finds Refuge in a Tree—Escapes Finally by a Wonderful Method

• Chapter VIII

The Pony Express—Fifty Miles Without Stopping—"Here he Comes"—Alkali Water—Riding an Avalanche—Indian Massacre

• Chapter IX

Among the Indians—An Unfair Advantage—Laying on our Arms—A Midnight Murder—Wrath of Outlaws—A Dangerous, yet Valuable Citizen

• Chapter X

History of Slade—A Proposed Fist-fight—Encounter with Jules—Paradise of Outlaws—Slade as Superintendent—As Executioner—A Doomed Whisky Seller—A Prisoner—A Wife's Bravery—An Ancient Enemy Captured—Enjoying a Luxury—Hob-nobbing with Slade—Too Polite—A Happy Escape

• Chapter XI

Slade in Montana—"On a Spree"—In Court—Attack on a Judge—Arrest by the Vigilantes—Turn out of the Miners—Execution of Slade—Lamentations of His Wife—Was Slade a Coward?

• Chapter XII

A Mormon Emigrant Train—The Heart of the Rocky Mountains—Pure Saleratus—A Natural Ice-House—An Entire Inhabitant—In Sight of "Eternal Snow"—The South Pass—The Parting Streams—An Unreliable Letter Carrier—Meeting of Old Friends—A Spoiled Watermelon—Down the Mountain—A Scene of Desolation—Lost in the Dark—Unnecessary Advice—U.S. Troops and Indians—Sublime Spectacle—Another Delusion Dispelled—Among the Angels

• Chapter XIII

Mormons and Gentiles—Exhilarating Drink, and its Effect on Bemis—Salt Lake City—A Great Contrast—A Mormon Vagrant—Talk with a Saint—A Visit to the "King"—A Happy Simile

• Chapter XIV

Mormon Contractors—How Mr. Street Astonished Them—The Case Before Brigham Young, and How he Disposed of it—Polygamy Viewed from a New Position

• Chapter XV

A Gentile Den—Polygamy Discussed—Favorite Wife and D. 4—Hennery for Retired Wives—Children Need Marking—Cost of a Gift to No. 6—A Penny-whistle Gift and its Effects—Fathering the Foundlings—It Resembled Him—The Family Bedstead

• Chapter XVI

The Mormon Bible—Proofs of its Divinity—Plagiarism of its Authors—Story of Nephi—Wonderful Battle—Kilkenny Cats Outdone

• Chapter XVII

Three Sides to all Questions—Everything "A Quarter"—Shriveled Up—Emigrants and White Shirts at a Discount—"Forty-Niners"—Above Par—Real Happiness

• Chapter XVIII

Alkali Desert—Romance of Crossing Dispelled—Alkali Dust—Effect on the Mules—Universal Thanksgiving

• Chapter XIX

The Digger Indians Compared with the Bushmen of Africa—Food, Life and Characteristics—Cowardly Attack on a Stage Coach—A Brave Driver—The Noble Red Man

• Chapter XX

The Great American Desert—Forty Miles on Bones—Lakes Without Outlets—Greely's Remarkable Ride—Hank Monk, the Renowned Driver—Fatal Effects of "Corking" a Story—Bald-Headed Anecdote

• Chapter XXI

Alkali Dust—Desolation and Contemplation—Carson City—Our Journey Ended—We are Introduced to Several Citizens—A Strange Rebuke—A Washoe Zephyr at Play—Its Office Hours—Governor's Palace—Government Offices—Our French Landlady Bridget O'Flannigan—Shadow Secrets—Cause for a Disturbance at Once—The Irish Brigade—Mrs. O'Flannigan's Boarders—The Surveying Expedition—Escape of the Tarantulas

• Chapter XXII

The Son of a Nabob—Start for Lake Tahoe—Splendor of the Views—Trip on the Lake—Camping Out—Reinvigorating Climate—Clearing a Tract of Land—Securing a Title—Outhouse and Fences

• Chapter XXIII

A Happy Life—Lake Tahoe and its Moods—Transparency of the Waters—A Catastrophe—Fire! Fire!—A Magnificent Spectacle—Homeless Again—We take to the Lake—A Storm—Return to Carson

• Chapter XXIV

Resolve to Buy a Horse—Horsemanship in Carson—A Temptation—Advice Given Me Freely—I Buy the Mexican Plug—My First Ride—A Good Bucker—I Loan the Plug—Experience of Borrowers—Attempts to Sell—Expense of the Experiment—A Stranger Taken In

• Chapter XXV

The Mormons in Nevada—How to Persuade a Loan from Them—Early History of the Territory—Silver Mines Discovered—The New Territorial Government—A Foreign One and a Poor One—Its Funny Struggles for Existence—No Credit, no Cash—Old Abe Currey Sustains it and its Officers—Instructions and Vouchers—An Indian's Endorsement—Toll-Gates

• Chapter XXVI

The Silver Fever—State of the Market—Silver Bricks—Tales Told—Off for the Humboldt Mines

• Chapter XXVII

Our manner of going—Incidents of the Trip—A Warm but Too Familiar a Bedfellow—Mr. Ballou Objects—Sunshine amid Clouds—Safely Arrived

• Chapter XXVIII

Arrive at the Mountains—Building Our Cabin—My First Prospecting Tour—My First Gold Mine—Pockets Filled With Treasures—Filtering the News to My Companions—The Bubble Pricked—All Not Gold That Glitters

• Chapter XXIX

Out Prospecting—A Silver Mine At Last—Making a Fortune With Sledge and Drill—A Hard Road to Travel—We Own in Claims—A Rocky Country

• Chapter XXX

Disinterested Friends—How "Feet" Were Sold—We Quit Tunnelling—A Trip to Esmeralda—My Companions—An Indian Prophesy—A Flood—Our Quarters During It

• Chapter XXXI

The Guests at "Honey Lake Smith's"—"Bully Old Arkansas"—"Our Landlord"—Determined to Fight—The Landlord's Wife—The Bully Conquered by Her—Another Start—Crossing the Carson—A Narrow Escape—Following Our Own Track—A New Guide—Lost in the Snow

• Chapter XXXII

Desperate Situation—Attempts to Make a Fire—Our Horses leave us—We Find Matches—One, Two, Three and the Last—No Fire—Death Seems Inevitable—We Mourn Over Our Evil Lives—Discarded Vices—We Forgive Each Other—An Affectionate Farewell—The Sleep of Oblivion

• Chapter XXXIII

Return of Consciousness—Ridiculous Developments—A Station House—Bitter Feelings—Fruits of Repentance—Resurrected Vices

• Chapter XXXIV

About Carson—General Buncombe—Hyde vs. Morgan—How Hyde Lost His Ranch—The Great Landslide Case—The Trial—General Buncombe in Court—A Wonderful Decision—A Serious Afterthought

• Chapter XXXV

A New Travelling Companion—All Full and No Accommodations—How Captain Nye found Room—and Caused Our Leaving to be Lamented—The Uses of Tunnelling—A Notable Example—We Go into the "Claim" Business and Fail—At the Bottom

• Chapter XXXVI

A Quartz Mill—Amalgamation—"Screening Tailings"—First Quartz Mill in Nevada—Fire Assay—A Smart Assayer—I stake for an advance

• Chapter XXXVII

The Whiteman Cement Mine—Story of its Discovery—A Secret Expedition—A Nocturnal Adventure—A Distressing Position—A Failure and a Week's Holiday

• Chapter XXXVIII

Mono Lake—Shampooing Made Easy—Thoughtless Act of Our Dog and the Results—Lye Water—Curiosities of the Lake—Free Hotel—Some Funny Incidents a Little Overdrawn

• Chapter XXXIX

Visit to the Islands in Lake Mono—Ashes and Desolation—Life Amid Death Our Boat Adrift—A Jump For Life—A Storm On the Lake—A Mass of Soap Suds—Geological Curiosities—A Week On the Sierras—A Narrow Escape From a Funny Explosion—"Stove Heap Gone"

• Chapter XL

The "Wide West" Mine—It is "Interviewed" by Higbie—A Blind Lead—Worth a Million—We are Rich At Last—Plans for the Future

• Chapter XLI

A Rheumatic Patient—Day Dreams—An Unfortunate Stumble—I Leave Suddenly—Another Patient—Higbie in the Cabin—Our Balloon Bursted—Worth Nothing—Regrets and Explanations—Our Third Partner

• Chapter XLII

What to do Next?—Obstacles I Had Met With—"Jack of All Trades"—Mining Again—Target Shooting—I Turn City Editor—I Succeed Finely

• Chapter XLIII

My Friend Boggs—The School Report—Boggs Pays Me An Old Debt—Virginia City

• Chapter XLIV

Flush Times—Plenty of Stock—Editorial Puffing—Stocks Given Me—Salting Mines—A Tragedian In a New Role

• Chapter XLV

Flush Times Continue—Sanitary Commission Fund—Wild Enthusiasm of the People—Would not wait to Contribute—The Sanitary Flour Sack—It is Carried to Gold Hill and Dayton—Final Reception in Virginia—Results of the Sale—A Grand Total

• Chapter XLVI

The Nabobs of Those Days—John Smith as a Traveler—Sudden Wealth—A Sixty-Thousand-Dollar Horse—A Smart Telegraph Operator—A Nabob in New York City—Charters an Omnibus—"Walk in, It's All Free"—"You Can't Pay a Cent"—"Hold On, Driver, I Weaken"—Sociability of New Yorkers

• Chapter XLVII

Buck Fanshaw's Death—The Cause Thereof—Preparations for His Burial—Scotty Briggs the Committee Man—He Visits the Minister—Scotty Can't Play His Hand—The Minister Gets Mixed—Both Begin to See—"All Down Again But Nine"—Buck Fanshaw as a Citizen—How To "Shook Your Mother"—The Funeral—Scotty Briggs as a Sunday School Teacher

• Chapter XLVIII

The First Twenty-Six Graves in Nevada—The Prominent Men of the County—The Man Who Had Killed His Dozen—Trial by Jury—Specimen Jurors—A Private Grave Yard—The Desperadoes—Who They Killed—Waking up the Weary Passenger—Satisfaction Without Fighting

• Chapter XLIX

Fatal Shooting Affray—Robbery and Desperate Affray—A Specimen City Official—A Marked Man—A Street Fight—Punishment of Crime

• Chapter L

Captain Ned Blakely—Bill Nookes Receives Desired Information—Killing of Blakely's Mate—A Walking Battery—Blakely Secures Nookes—Hang First and Be Tried Afterwards—Captain Blakely as a Chaplain—The First Chapter of Genesis Read at a Hanging—Nookes Hung—Blakely's Regrets

• Chapter LI

The Weekly Occidental—A Ready Editor—A Novel—A Concentration of Talent—The Heroes and the Heroines—The Dissolute Author Engaged—Extraordinary Havoc With the Novel—A Highly Romantic Chapter—The Lovers Separated—Jonah Out-done—A Lost Poem—The Aged Pilot Man—Storm On the Erie Canal—Dollinger the Pilot Man—Terrific Gale—Danger Increases—A Crisis Arrived—Saved as if by a Miracle

• Chapter LII

Freights to California—Silver Bricks—Under Ground Mines—Timber Supports—A Visit to the Mines—The Caved Mines—Total of Shipments in 1863

• Chapter LIII

Jim Blaine and his Grandfather's Ram—Filkin's Mistake—Old Miss Wagner and her Glass Eye—Jacobs, the Coffin Dealer—Waiting for a Customer—His Bargain With Old Robbins—Robbins Sues for Damage and Collects—A New Use for Missionaries—The Effect—His Uncle Lem and the Use Providence Made of Him—Sad Fate of Wheeler—Devotion of His Wife—A Model Monument—What About the Ram?

• Chapter LIV

Chinese in Virginia City—Washing Bills—Habit of Imitation—Chinese Immigration—A Visit to Chinatown—Messrs. Ah Sing, Hong Wo, See Yup, &c.

• Chapter LV

Tired of Virginia City—An Old Schoolmate—A Two Years' Loan—Acting as an Editor—Almost Receive an Offer—An Accident—Three Drunken Anecdotes—Last Look at Mt. Davidson—A Beautiful Incident

• Chapter LVI

Off for San Francisco—Western and Eastern Landscapes—The Hottest place on Earth—Summer and Winter

• Chapter LVII

California—Novelty of Seeing a Woman—"Well if it ain't a Child!"—One Hundred and Fifty Dollars for a Kiss—Waiting for a turn

• Chapter LVIII

Life in San Francisco—Worthless Stocks—My First Earthquake—Reportorial Instincts—Effects of the Shocks—Incidents and Curiosities—Sabbath Breakers—The Lodger and the Chambermaid—A Sensible Fashion to Follow—Effects of the Earthquake on the Ministers

• Chapter LIX

Poor Again—Slinking as a Business—A Model Collector—Misery loves Company—Comparing Notes for Comfort—A Streak of Luck—Finding a Dime—Wealthy by Comparison—Two Sumptuous Dinners

• Chapter LX

An Old Friend—An Educated Miner—Pocket Mining—Freaks of Fortune

• Chapter LXI

Dick Baker and his Cat—Tom Quartz's Peculiarities—On an Excursion—Appearance On His Return—A Prejudiced Cat—Empty Pockets and a Roving Life

• Chapter LXII

Bound for the Sandwich Islands—The Three Captains—The Old Admiral—His Daily Habits—His Well Fought Fields—An Unexpected Opponent—The Admiral Overpowered—The Victor Declared a Hero

• Chapter LXIII

Arrival at the Islands—Honolulu—What I Saw There—Dress and Habits of the Inhabitants—The Animal Kingdom—Fruits and Delightful Effects

• Chapter LXIV

An Excursion—Captain Phillips and his Turn-Out—A Horseback Ride—A Vicious Animal—Nature and Art—Interesting Ruins—All Praise to the Missionaries

• Chapter LXV

Interesting Mementoes and Relics—An Old Legend of a Frightful Leap—An Appreciative Horse—Horse Jockeys and Their Brothers—A New Trick—A Hay Merchant—Good Country for Horse Lovers

• Chapter LXVI

A Saturday Afternoon—Sandwich Island Girls on a Frolic—The Poi Merchant—Grand Gala Day—A Native Dance—Church Membership—Cats and Officials—An Overwhelming Discovery

• Chapter LXVII

The Legislature of the Island—What Its President Has Seen—Praying for an Enemy—Women's Rights—Romantic Fashions—Worship of the Shark—Desire for Dress—Full Dress—Not Paris Style—Playing Empire—Officials and Foreign Ambassadors—Overwhelming Magnificence

• Chapter LXVIII

A Royal Funeral—Order of Procession—Pomp and Ceremony—A Striking Contrast—A Sick Monarch—Human Sacrifices at His Death—Burial Orgies

• Chapter LXIX

"Once more upon the Waters."—A Noisy Passenger—Several Silent Ones—A Moonlight Scene—Fruits and Plantations

• Chapter LXX

A Droll Character—Mrs. Beazely and Her Son—Meditations on Turnips—A Letter from Horace Greeley—An Indignant Rejoinder—The Letter Translated but too Late

• Chapter LXXI

Kealakekua Bay—Death of Captain Cook—His Monument—Its Construction—On Board the Schooner

• Chapter LXXII

Young Kanakas in New England—A Temple Built by Ghosts—Female Bathers—I Stood Guard—Women and Whiskey—A Fight for Religion—Arrival of Missionaries

• Chapter LXXIII

Native Canoes—Surf Bathing—A Sanctuary—How Built—The Queen's Rock—Curiosities—Petrified Lava

• Chapter LXXIV

Visit to the Volcano—The Crater—Pillar of Fire—Magnificent Spectacle—A Lake of Fire

• Chapter LXXV

The North Lake—Fountains of Fire—Streams of Burning Lava—Tidal Waves

• Chapter LXXVI

A Reminiscence—Another Horse Story—My Ride with the Retired Milk Horse—A Picnicing Excursion—Dead Volcano of Holeakala—Comparison with Vesuvius—An Inside View

• Chapter LXXVII

A Curious Character—A Series of Stories—Sad Fate of a Liar—Evidence of Insanity

• Chapter LXXVIII

Return to San Francisco—Ship Amusements—Preparing for Lecturing—Valuable Assistance Secured—My First Attempt—The Audience Carried—"All's Well that Ends Well."

• Chapter LXXIX

Highwaymen—A Predicament—A Huge Joke—Farewell to California—At Home Again—Great Changes. Moral.

• Appendix.
  • A.—Brief Sketch of Mormon History
  • B.—The Mountain Meadows Massacre
  • C.—Concerning a Frightful Assassination that was never Consummated